
Vivian and I were a couple for 41 years, married for 16. During the height of her illness, from June 2017 until she died in November 2021, I wrote in a journal—daily entries, prayer reflections, poems, and stories about what was happening in our lives. I felt called to capture these profound moments.
I couldn’t leave Vivian alone, so I could not often leave our home. In my isolation, and in my prayer life, I felt a deep connection with people suffering all over the world. While I couldn’t be out in the world, I was able to bring the world to us and hold all of those people and global happenings in prayer and in our hearts.
Vivian and I worked at not dwelling on her disease. Laughter became one way to find shared joy even in the most horrible moments. I always tried to find hopefulness, and I was always problem-solving with Vivian.
I had never shared my writing in the past, partly because the Sisters who led my high school classes felt academics should take precedence over creative writing as a means of expression. I had written family letters, though, and, after Vivian passed away, I came to feel my thoughts and my writing might have relevance to others.
I created my reflections, called Deacon Pat “Unplugged.” Over time, I heard enough positive feedback about them that I thought I had something to offer. I thought other people would benefit from hearing our stories, and I found the courage to begin crafting my book.
My book is the story of Vivian’s and my love, and the story of our devastating loss. It’s told mainly in narrative form with some of my original poetry and other reflections. It’s a book for people who are suffering and grieving, at any age. It is also for those in care partnership who need a sense of promise about the future.
If you need some hope, consider buying my book.